I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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