I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
