it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
