Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize