all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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