Your face is a jimmy john
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
