I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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