I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
