she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
