There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
