the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have aggressive nipples.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
