after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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