I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
