People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
