I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize