I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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