running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you repeat that, but with context?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
