you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
