Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
