Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
