I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
