After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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