What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
