So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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