im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize