Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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