I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize