The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
