the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
