i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
