There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
