i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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