chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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