If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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