my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize