You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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