I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
