I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
