I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
