Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
bring money and cleavage
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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