We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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