i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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