super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
