Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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