Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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