its not stalking. its research.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
