come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
