My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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