my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
