Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
