i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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