i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
