If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
operation have a gay friend backfired
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize