i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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