Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
