why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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