shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
