He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
