I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
