so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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