i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
