Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
