On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize