Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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