I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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