The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
