i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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