you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
