I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
