they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
